To view this page ensure that Adobe Flash Player version 11.1.0 or greater is installed.
Compass M o ne y
Being able to laugh at yourself is a sign of an optimistic
personality and improves your mood. So take a moment
from the serious nature of money and enjoy our
unconventional dictionary of common financial terms.
T E X T BY SA N DY L I N D S E Y
ACCOUNTANT: A professional who can tell you exactly what you are
worth and then immediately deducts from that amount by telling you
what you now owe him.
BANK: A place that lends you money after you fill out copious forms
and painstakingly proving that you don’t really need it.
BUDGET: 1.) Living within your earnings not your yearnings. 2.) A
method of going broke methodically.
BULL MARKET: A random movement in the stock market that causes
an investor to believe that he’s a financial genius.
CREDIT: 1.) Negative money that is spent like actual money. 2) Buy
now, pay through the roof later.
CREDIT CARD: Plastic apparatus allowing you to buy things you
cannot afford, so the economy can continue to run on the lack of
money. DEBT: A mysterious type of money that multiplies automatically.
ECONOMICS: The only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize
for saying exactly the opposite thing.
ECONOMIST: 1.) A person who knows more about money than the
people who have lots of it. 2) See also “Fortune Teller.”
INFLATION: 1.) Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. 2)
Paying $15 for a $10 haircut that used to cost $5 when you had hair.
FORTUNE TELLER: See “Economist.”