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Success P e t s
We love our pooches and we’d like to believe we understand their every glance, bark, yelp and growl.
But when we asked “Morgan The Dachshund” to write this article, we realized there’s more to his quirky
behaviors than just pure, unfiltered love and adoration.
T E X T BY M O R G A N L I N D S E Y
1. When I’m looking at you with
love-filled eyes…I know I can bend
you to my will if I stare long enough
and use canine mind control!
2. As I spin around excitedly
when you grab the car keys, I’m
really thinking: “Woo hoo! Let’s
ditch the dog park to go for a ride through the
Pollo Tropical drive-in!”
3. If you find me faithfully
following you around the
house, I’m patiently letting you
know I need to know when you’re planning to
go to work so I can get busy napping in the
If you see me hiding behind you
when another dog is near, I’m
secretly saying: “Hey scary dog, eat
the pinkbutt, not me!”
All those times you find me
sprawled upside-down on your
bed should serve as a reminder that
you may have thumbs, but I have the good life!
If you catch me stalking
through the bushes, I’m going to
find a lizard to bring inside to watch
Sometimes I’ll be staring up at
you while you eat in disbelief.
And you say I could stand to lose a few
pounds??? Slow down, chomper.
8. Whenever I’m catching the
breeze at the beach or dog
park, I can feel my Wolf Sense
kicking in the second I spot prey. Or it
could just be the mouthwatering smell from
the neighbor’s BBQ.
Sniffing your crotch is no biggie;
I’ve seen you dance naked…I just
don’t get how you ended up on top of
the food chain!
Snuggling next to you on
the couch and giving a big
sigh shows I love you. You’re
my best friend, my hero and the love of my life
— you’re my entire universe! I may get sassy
sometimes (and gassy), but I’ll love you with
every (doggy) breath I take, now and forever.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Morgan Lindsey is a Longhaired Miniature Dachshund. He is a rescue who works as a Service Dog,
visiting hospitals to cheer people up (and slurp their Jell-O when they aren’t looking). When he’s not
authoring witty columns, he loves entering doggy Halloween costume contests as Captain Jack Sparrow.