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Success M o ne y
Take a lighter look as some of the more popular
financial terms you may or may not already have in your
vocabulary and what they really mean in layman’s speak.
T E X T BY SA N DY L I N D S E Y
BOND What you had with your spouse until you pawned his golf clubs or sold
her car to invest in questionable stock.
A market condition that traditionally occurs the day after you have
sold off all of your investments.
COMMISSION The only guaranteed way to make money in the stock market, which is
why all brokerage houses charge one.
An employee who is disloyal to his boss from 9:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
Monday thru Friday.
DIVIDEND A sum of money, determined by the company’s directors, paid to
shareholders to keep them calm.
The guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the local
convenience store for toilet paper and M&Ms.
A group of professional entertainers who amuse themselves by relating
absurd and fantastical tales.
REAL ESTATE BUBBLE
A fiscal prerequisite for the proper functioning of a Western economy.
STATISTICS 1. The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures. 2. The
only science that enables different experts using the same figures to
draw different conclusions.
TAXES Death and taxes are life’s two certainties. Taxes is the only one for
which you can get an extension.